Divorce, Church & Legalism
Author: Bobby Valentine | Filed under: Christian hope, Contemporary Ethics, Grace, Love, MinistryThe last several days I have received inquiries seeking input and advice on situations involving divorce. Things pertaining to divorce is one of the most common questions I get via email/messenger (the others being material on the role of women but rarely on the Hebrew Bible or racial justice for some reason).
From a pastoral perspective, I have never understood how marriage, divorce or remarriage have become such hot button topics. We are dealing with lives, divine image bearers, not mere ideas, not some “doctrine.” Jesus, that great student of the Hebrew Bible, chastised some zealots for not knowing what “I desire mercy not sacrifice” means. He also challenged those same zealots to “go learn” what “I desire mercy not sacrifice” means. The ability to quote scripture is not an indication that one grasps scripture.
Of course Jesus was quoting from the Prophet Hosea whose own marital life was characterized by painful adultery for years. Why didn’t Hosea just stone Gomer? I mean, after all, even today those who misunderstand the “Torah” use that as one of their caricatures of the Hebrew Bible. But instead, the entire book of Hosea, not just a text in chapter 6, is a living commentary on Mercy and Hesed. When Gomer was “loved by another,” Hosea was to extend LOVE. Yahweh did not “stone” the “guilty.” Perhaps slow reading and ruminating upon Hosea 11 should be done, until we get it.
“When Israel was a child, I loved him,
and out of Egypt I called my son.
2 But the more they were called,
the more they went away from me.
They sacrificed to the Baals
and they burned incense to images.
3 It was I who taught Ephraim to walk,
taking them by the arms;
but they did not realize
it was I who healed them.
4 I led them with cords of human kindness,
with ties of love.
To them I was like one who lifts
a little child to the cheek,
and I bent down to feed them.
“Will they not return to Egypt
and will not Assyria rule over them
because they refuse to repent?
6 A sword will flash in their cities;
it will devour their false prophets
and put an end to their plans.
7 My people are determined to turn from me.
Even though they call me God Most High,
I will by no means exalt them.
“How can I give you up, Ephraim?
How can I hand you over, Israel?
How can I treat you like Admah?
How can I make you like Zeboyim?
My heart is changed within me;
all my compassion is aroused.
9 I will not carry out my fierce anger,
nor will I devastate Ephraim again.
For I am God, and not a man—
the Holy One among you.
I will not come against their cities.
10 They will follow the Lord;
he will roar like a lion.
When he roars,
his children will come trembling from the west.
11 They will come from Egypt,
trembling like sparrows,
from Assyria, fluttering like doves.
I will settle them in their homes,”
declares the Lord.”
Legalism is spiritual death, oh it has, in the words of Paul, the form of religion but no power. We coddle legalism in order to “play it safe.” But legalism is NOT safe! Legalism is not only unbiblical but it is antibiblical and flies completely in the face of Jesus.
I think legalism is one of the greatest hindrances to both our individual and communal walk with God. Legalism turns us into spiritual cowards devoid of love, grace and mercy. We become afraid and won’t even study our own Bible. Our position is mistaken for the Bible itself. We become “defenders” of OUR position rather than SEEKERS of God’s infinite wisdom and explores of his limitless truth. I lived with it. It keeps us from having any word of hope for the world. Nail it to the cross people. The Hebrew Bible was never nailed to the Cross but legalism ought to be.
So in the following situation legalism gone to seed. The question is about baptism and divorced people. I am not breaking any confidence here bc I literally do not know the folks in this conversation and I will only say share my perspective on the whole.
Why would we tell a person who has lived in the “world,” been a victim of sin in all its nastiness, that is NOW in a healthy fifteen year marriage with children, but has requested baptism that in order to be baptized he/she has to divorce the person they are married to?
Why would we do that?
This is insanity. I said so. I will say so again. This is why “we” are regarded as nothing but irrelevant nuts (that is blunt but that is exactly what we are thought of).
Jesus’s interaction with the poor 4x divorcee(!) in John 4, simply does not exist for some people. Jesus told her to go worship in Spirit and Truth. He did not say to her go unscramble your messed up eggs of her previous life. This woman became the first person to confess the Messiahship of Jesus (it was not Peter) and she became the first Gospel Preacher in history. Perhaps this is why so many ignore everything in John 4 except v.24.
I was told if this person was baptized and then refused to leave the “life of adultery” in which he/she lived (because the other partner did not have “scriptural divorce” when this person married him/her) then disfellowship would have to be practiced.
Now my friends this is again insanity. I see no place in Acts where Peter, Paul or Mary, stop to quiz anyone on their marital history prior to allowing them to be baptized.
I hate divorce beloved. I am a divorced person. I have received many unkind remarks in the past for being “divorced.” Most people who have been divorced hate divorce. I don’t wish divorce on anyone. Let’s do everything we can to help make marriages what they ought to be. But divorce happens. And in most cases it is pure hell. Again I doubt Hosea liked his married life.
But sometimes I wonder if the Body of Christ ever gets anything from the Head!? The Head majors in MERCY. Do we actually believe what we read in the Gospels? Sinners loved being with Jesus. I know we say this in Sunday School but do we actually believe the text when it says it point blank?
Legalism murdered Jesus!
Bible believing, sound doctrine, guardians of the faith killed Jesus and they did it by the book. It was not the sinners, the prostitutes, the drunks, or the folks at “Matthew’s house,” that killed Jesus.
As I said last night, I would baptize the person under consideration upon a confession of their faith in Jesus in a heartbeat. I would tell them to be dedicated in their marriage. I would tell them to be faithful and true. I would surround the couple with love and mercy and watch God perform miracles in that life.
That is just me. But I think that is what Jesus would do too.
Let’s be a church that acts towards other people – rich, poor, men, women, church goers and non-church goers – the way Jesus himself acted toward them.
Run from legalism. Run to Jesus.
See Also of Related Interest
Tears: God’s or Mine (Reflections on Jeremiah from the Pit of Divorce)










